EMOTIONS IN THE BRAIN
Canadian research scientist Sandra Witleson conducted tests on men and women to locate the position of emotion in the brain. Using emotionally-charged images that were shown first to the right hemisphere via the left eye and ear and then to the left hemisphere via the right eye and ear. From MRI scans, she concluded that men's emotion is located mainly in two areas in the right hemisphere, and women's is located throughout both hemispheres. New research indicates that our emotions may be located in various organs in the body in amino acids called neuropeptides and that these areas revealed in brain scans are simply remote controls for these neuropeptides.
For men, emotion is generally positioned in the right brain, meaning that it can operate separately from other brain functions. For example, in an argument, a man can argue logic and words (left brain) and then switch to spatial solutions (right front brain) without becoming emotional about the issue. It's as if emotion is in a little room of its own and a man's smaller corpus callosum means that emotion is less likely to operate simultaneously with other functions.
For women, emotion operates on a more widely spread area in both hemispheres and thus can operate at the same time as other brain functions. A woman can become emotional while discussing an emotional issue, while a man is less likely to do the same, or he will simply refuse to discuss the issue. This way, he can avoid becoming emotional or appear not to be in control. Overall, women's emotions can switch on simultaneously with most other brain functions meaning that she can cry while changing a flat tyre, whereas a man sees tyre-changing as a test of his problem-solving abilities, and will remain completely dry-eyed even when he discovers, by the side of a deserted road, at midnight, in the pouring rain, that the spare is flat and he took the jack from the boot of the car last week.
"An emotional man can lash out like a reptile; an emotional woman prefers to 'talk about it'"
Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work
Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver - this had to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender - her role was to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies conducted on male and female values in the 1990s continued to show that 70%-80% of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work, and 70%-80% of women say the most important priority is their families. As a consequence,
"If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she can't concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work he can't focus on his relationships"
Under stress or pressure, a woman sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference in his problem-solving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to watch the football. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying or pedantic. These perceptions are the reflections of the different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her that it does to him - it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you and your partner, and you will not judge each other's behaviour harshly.
Why Men 'Do Things'
A man's brain is organised to evaluate and understand objects, their relationship to other objects, spatial relevance, how it all works and solutions to problems. His brain is programmed for a 'how-do-I-fix-it?' response to life. Men use this 'fix it' criterion in their approach to almost everything they do. One woman told us that she wanted her husband to show a more loving attitude towards her - so he mowed the lawn. He saw this as an expression of his love. When she said she still wasn't happy, he painted the kitchen. And when this didn't work, he offered to take her to the football. When a woman is upset she will talk emotionally to her friends, but an upset man will rebuild a motor or fix a leaking tap.
"To prove his love for her, he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean, and crossed the widest desert. But she left him - he was never home."
While women fantasise about love and romance, men fantasise about fast cars, bigger computers, boats and motorcycles. All these are things they can use and all are related to spatial ability and 'doing something'.
Why Men and Women Leave Each Other
A man's biological urge is to provide for a woman and her appreciation of his efforts confirms his success. If she is happy, he feels fulfilled. If she is not happy he feels that he is a failure because he believes he can't provide enough. Men constantly say to their friends, 'I can never make her happy,' and this can be sufficient motivation for a man to leave a relationship for another woman who seems happy with what he can provide.
"A woman leaves a man not because she is unhappy with what he can provide, but because she is emotionally unfulfilled. "
She wants love, romance and conversation. He needs to be told by a woman that he is successful at what he does and what he can provide is fine. But a man needs to be romantic and, most of all, listen when a woman talks, without offering solutions.
Why Men Hate to Be Wrong
To understand why men hate to be wrong, it's important to understand the history of where this attitude came from. Picture this scene. The cave family is crouched around a fire. The man is sitting at the cave entrance gazing out, surveying the landscape and scanning the horizon for signs of movement. The woman and children have not eaten for days and he knows that he must hunt at the first break in the weather and not return until he has found food. This is his role and his family are depending on him. They're hungry but confident he can succeed as he has always done. His stomach is churning and he is fearful. Will he be successful again? Will his family starve? Will other males kill him because he is weak from hunger? He just sits there with a blank expressionless face - watching. He must not show any signs of fear to his family as they would become disheartened. He must be strong.
"In being wrong, a man considers himself a failure because he has not been able to do his job properly."
A million years of not wanting to be seen as a failure seems to be wired into the brains of modern men. Most women do not know that if a man is driving in the car alone, he'd probably stop and ask directions. But to do it when she is in the car makes him feel like he is a failure because he couldn't get her there. When a woman says, 'Let's ask directions', a man hears: 'You're incompetent, you can't navigate'. If she says, 'The kitchen tap is leaking, let's call a plumber', he hears, 'You're useless, I'll get another man to do it!' This is also the reason men have difficulty saying, 'I'm sorry'. They see it as admitting they are wrong, and to be wrong is to fail. To deal with this problem, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn't make a man feel wrong when she discusses problems with him. Even giving a man a selfhelp book for his birthday is often interpreted by him as, 'You're not good enough.'
"Men hate criticism - that's why they like to marry virgins."
A man needs to understand that a woman's objective is not to make him wrong; it's to help him and he should not take things personally. A woman wants to improve the man she loves but he interprets this as meaning that he is not good enough. A man won't admit mistakes because he thinks she won't love him. But the reality is, a woman loves a man more when he will admit mistakes.
Canadian research scientist Sandra Witleson conducted tests on men and women to locate the position of emotion in the brain. Using emotionally-charged images that were shown first to the right hemisphere via the left eye and ear and then to the left hemisphere via the right eye and ear. From MRI scans, she concluded that men's emotion is located mainly in two areas in the right hemisphere, and women's is located throughout both hemispheres. New research indicates that our emotions may be located in various organs in the body in amino acids called neuropeptides and that these areas revealed in brain scans are simply remote controls for these neuropeptides.
For men, emotion is generally positioned in the right brain, meaning that it can operate separately from other brain functions. For example, in an argument, a man can argue logic and words (left brain) and then switch to spatial solutions (right front brain) without becoming emotional about the issue. It's as if emotion is in a little room of its own and a man's smaller corpus callosum means that emotion is less likely to operate simultaneously with other functions.
For women, emotion operates on a more widely spread area in both hemispheres and thus can operate at the same time as other brain functions. A woman can become emotional while discussing an emotional issue, while a man is less likely to do the same, or he will simply refuse to discuss the issue. This way, he can avoid becoming emotional or appear not to be in control. Overall, women's emotions can switch on simultaneously with most other brain functions meaning that she can cry while changing a flat tyre, whereas a man sees tyre-changing as a test of his problem-solving abilities, and will remain completely dry-eyed even when he discovers, by the side of a deserted road, at midnight, in the pouring rain, that the spare is flat and he took the jack from the boot of the car last week.
"An emotional man can lash out like a reptile; an emotional woman prefers to 'talk about it'"
Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work
Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver - this had to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender - her role was to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies conducted on male and female values in the 1990s continued to show that 70%-80% of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work, and 70%-80% of women say the most important priority is their families. As a consequence,
"If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she can't concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work he can't focus on his relationships"
Under stress or pressure, a woman sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference in his problem-solving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to watch the football. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying or pedantic. These perceptions are the reflections of the different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her that it does to him - it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you and your partner, and you will not judge each other's behaviour harshly.
Why Men 'Do Things'
A man's brain is organised to evaluate and understand objects, their relationship to other objects, spatial relevance, how it all works and solutions to problems. His brain is programmed for a 'how-do-I-fix-it?' response to life. Men use this 'fix it' criterion in their approach to almost everything they do. One woman told us that she wanted her husband to show a more loving attitude towards her - so he mowed the lawn. He saw this as an expression of his love. When she said she still wasn't happy, he painted the kitchen. And when this didn't work, he offered to take her to the football. When a woman is upset she will talk emotionally to her friends, but an upset man will rebuild a motor or fix a leaking tap.
"To prove his love for her, he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean, and crossed the widest desert. But she left him - he was never home."
While women fantasise about love and romance, men fantasise about fast cars, bigger computers, boats and motorcycles. All these are things they can use and all are related to spatial ability and 'doing something'.
Why Men and Women Leave Each Other
A man's biological urge is to provide for a woman and her appreciation of his efforts confirms his success. If she is happy, he feels fulfilled. If she is not happy he feels that he is a failure because he believes he can't provide enough. Men constantly say to their friends, 'I can never make her happy,' and this can be sufficient motivation for a man to leave a relationship for another woman who seems happy with what he can provide.
"A woman leaves a man not because she is unhappy with what he can provide, but because she is emotionally unfulfilled. "
She wants love, romance and conversation. He needs to be told by a woman that he is successful at what he does and what he can provide is fine. But a man needs to be romantic and, most of all, listen when a woman talks, without offering solutions.
Why Men Hate to Be Wrong
To understand why men hate to be wrong, it's important to understand the history of where this attitude came from. Picture this scene. The cave family is crouched around a fire. The man is sitting at the cave entrance gazing out, surveying the landscape and scanning the horizon for signs of movement. The woman and children have not eaten for days and he knows that he must hunt at the first break in the weather and not return until he has found food. This is his role and his family are depending on him. They're hungry but confident he can succeed as he has always done. His stomach is churning and he is fearful. Will he be successful again? Will his family starve? Will other males kill him because he is weak from hunger? He just sits there with a blank expressionless face - watching. He must not show any signs of fear to his family as they would become disheartened. He must be strong.
"In being wrong, a man considers himself a failure because he has not been able to do his job properly."
A million years of not wanting to be seen as a failure seems to be wired into the brains of modern men. Most women do not know that if a man is driving in the car alone, he'd probably stop and ask directions. But to do it when she is in the car makes him feel like he is a failure because he couldn't get her there. When a woman says, 'Let's ask directions', a man hears: 'You're incompetent, you can't navigate'. If she says, 'The kitchen tap is leaking, let's call a plumber', he hears, 'You're useless, I'll get another man to do it!' This is also the reason men have difficulty saying, 'I'm sorry'. They see it as admitting they are wrong, and to be wrong is to fail. To deal with this problem, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn't make a man feel wrong when she discusses problems with him. Even giving a man a selfhelp book for his birthday is often interpreted by him as, 'You're not good enough.'
"Men hate criticism - that's why they like to marry virgins."
A man needs to understand that a woman's objective is not to make him wrong; it's to help him and he should not take things personally. A woman wants to improve the man she loves but he interprets this as meaning that he is not good enough. A man won't admit mistakes because he thinks she won't love him. But the reality is, a woman loves a man more when he will admit mistakes.
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